One Day at A Time: A Middle-Aged ABD Mother’s Guide to Writing A Dissertation
Alaska Black Hults
Penn State University
When my twins had just entered Kindergarten and my oldest had transitioned from years of
homeschooling to public school, I headed to Penn State, where I earned an M.S. in 2 years. I went straight into
a PhD program focusing on teaching pre-service teachers how to be effective teachers of English Language Learners. I fell in love with socio-cultural theory and disability studies in education. I am now in my fourth year of my PhD program and I will defend May 7.
Because my boys grew up with their mother in graduate school, they were used to the rhythm. They get all the jokes in PhD comics. To their future partners, I give you sons who can sew their own buttons, cook, and will have an intense need to involve your family in dropping gift baskets of food, cash, and toys for kids off at the doors of the needy at Christmas. You’re welcome.
I was not prepared to write the dissertation with teenagers at home. When I had babies I thought teenagers would be this ‘hands-off business’ that would allow me lots of time to do stuff like take a shower with the door closed. The shower part is true, but you have to hurry because the twins have not left you any hot water and they ALL need you emotionally and physically in ways that are totally different than an infant, but are just as time-consuming and sleep depriving.
I was the sole caregiver for my mother-in-law. She passed away days after I passed Candidacy. Shortly before passing Comps, my husband’s company went under. While I defended my prospectus, my salesman husband returned to school full time to be an Arts Educator. All the emotions typically associated with writing a dissertation applied, but on top of that was a layer of anxiety over decimated finances. I had to take a 6-week
break from writing the dissertation for my oldest’s high school graduation and his preparation for a 2-year mission that would take him far away.
Nevertheless, now that my dissertation is primarily in revisions, I have a few tips that apply to the loving mother of any age and dealing with everything life throws at them:
1. Take care of your body and mind. You can’t be Ms. or Mr. Incredible without breakfast, exercise, and whatever else will keep you sane. I eat lots of veggies and work on portion control. I swim a mile three times a week. I pray a lot. Do whatever works for you.
2. Keep the kids’ activities reasonable. My boys do music lessons, Saturday morning orchestra, and one play a semester now. It’s good for everyone.
3. Try to find the other PhD moms. In my own congregation there are five mothers working on PhDs, all at different stages of life. It’s really hard to find time to get together and talk, but we do.
4. Set goals for the amount you’ll write each week. Set aside time to write and be completely firm about protecting that time. Say, “Sorry, I can’t do that right now.”
5. When you start the chapter that really freaks you out,leave. Find a place that is quiet, not very interesting, and at least 6 hours from home. If you are a single mother,find a loving friend and leave your kids with her/him. They’ll be fine. You’ll only be gone 9 days. That’s two days for travel and 7 to write. When I found my hideaway (central Ohio in mid-December), I got up at 6 am and wrote uninterrupted until 2pm. Then I broke for swimming, errands, and a nap. At 4:30 I was back at it until bedtime. It was so successful in getting me a complete chapter in 7 days that the confidence carried me through the rest of break when the family was around constantly. I wrote three chapters in four weeks.
6. Utilize various applications on your computer. For Safari and Chrome, I use WasteNoTime. It blocks Facebook and whatever other online distractions you go to during your work hours. I also use Time Out, which forces you to stand up and stretch at set intervals and to walk away from your computer for ten minutes
once an hour. I would speed walk around my mother’s block in the freezing cold during the ten minutes.
7. Schedule time with your family. My husband and I get up at 6am (grumble, grumble) to do calendars for the day together. We work out the days that week we can carpool, eat in my office together, and text a lot. We schedule time for intimacy. Seriously, that’s part of writing the dissertation.
8. Get a committee chair/advisor who GETS that you need to GET OUT in a reasonable amount of time, and who isn’t so overscheduled that she can’t stay on top of your writing schedule. If you don’t have one of these advisors, have someone else on the committee who is willing to read drafts, too. You can keep going on their feedback until your committee chair finds the time to read.
9. Pick a date to defend. Post it on your wall where you write. It should be something meaningful—your anniversary, your birthday, a few days before your spouse’s graduation weekend. Let your advisor know that you ARE defending on that day and set up a schedule for turning in chapters,including revisions, etc, that gets you there. The light at the end of the tunnel appears when you make it past the chapter that most freaks you out,so don’t save it for last. Do an easy chapter or two, and then go for it. See #5 and #6.
Finally, I want you to know you can do this and your family won’t suffer. All of my boys have seen my tears and anxiety. They know it’s hard and they have experienced true sacrifice to make it happen. They remain supportive and are as excited as I am with each passing milestone.
BIO: Alaska Black Hults is ABD at Penn State University in the College of Education, Department of Curriculum & Instruction, in the emphasis area of Language, Culture and Society. Her research focuses on the over-representation of English Language Learners in Special Education from a Disability Studies in Education framework. Her work aims to disrupt mainstream teacher deficit discourses about their English Language Learners by providing teachers with long-term, supportive professional development centered around their individual concerns and questions. She has three sons, one husband, and a very understanding dog.
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